I was given a gift yesterday. The gift of experiencing a Lyme symptom free day. I took full advantage of it, knowing in my life while conquering Chronic Lyme Disease and Co-Infections, some days are diamonds, some days are stone. As early evening set in, the diamonds that I treasured throughout the day had turned to stone.
As the sun began to set, an overwhelming sense of anxiety set in. Having just experienced a beautiful day; one with sunny blue skies, crisp autumn air, a ‘Lyme free’ symptom body and mind, I was unexpectedly flooded with a change in my overall being. My heart began to race as if I was running a marathon. Anxiety and depression set in causing tears to flow uncontrollably. An excruciating migraine came on as if knitting needles were being pierced into my temples and forehead. An unusual sharp pain leading from my left armpit down into my arm caused concern. Agonizing pain radiated through my muscles and joints. Insuppressible chills shook my entire body. I could not catch my breath, feeling as if someone had plunged me into the depths of ice cold water. My smile, that earlier emitted a sense of happiness and well being, was no longer.
Having been challenged with many ongoing, various symptoms throughout my Lyme filled life, I felt no urgency to go to the Emergency Room. I had made visits to the ER countless times before with similar conditions, thinking I was having a heart attack. In August, 2010, after confirmation of Chronic Lyme Disease and Co-Infections, I knew these symptoms were all part of my disease. Heading to the hospital would only be a waste of time, energy and money. Instead, I fixed a warm bath to calm my shuddering chills, climbed in the tub, dimmed the lights and listened to some relaxing music. The warm, soothing bath relieved the chills, but I was forced to accept the other symptoms as the night proceeded.
My day had gone from being able to think and process words clearly, to an evening choked with grand confusion, forgetfulness and a sense of a comatose state of mind. Finding it difficult to hold a conversation with my Family, watch TV or work on the computer; more and more frustration set in.
I headed to bed early, reminding myself, “This too shall pass.” However, as I tried to relax, meditate and clear my mind, the symptoms continued to thrive on my beaten up self. I laid there in bewilderment. ”How could such a wonderful day lead to such a devastating evening?” I knew the answer. The answer was quite simple. These symptoms are all part of the process. They are all part of my life now. Chronic Lyme Disease and Co-Infection symptoms can change in the blink of an eye. I had to,once again, find the strength to accept them, knowing full well, “Some days are diamonds. Some days are stone.”
In the last several years, I have found myself having to call in sick, break engagements, cancel outings and rapidly and unexpectedly change plans all due to the abrupt onset of Chronic Lyme Disease symptoms. Today, my calendar remains empty, except for my important doctor appointments that I can not miss. I was once, a happy-go-lucky lady who loved entertaining and being around friends and family; rarely turning down a chance to spend time with others. During my course of treatment, I have fortunately learned how to back down on invitations, so graciously given to me, without an overwhelming feeling of guilt. Knowing full well, due to my illness, chances are I would not be able to make the event.
Long time friends, who do not understand this disease or are not interested in learning about it, are now distant. New friends are found in a much loved Lyme community I hold close to my heart. A community of people who experience similar symptoms as I do. A community where judgement and criticism do not exist because of our illnesses. A community of support, understanding, guidance and the much needed occasional ‘pat on the back’ for staying strong and hanging in there. A community that fights so incredibly hard, not only to conquer our battles of Chronic Lyme Disease and Co-Infections, but also works endlessly to bring about more Lyme Disease awareness and make positive changes in the world of Lyme, not only for us, but for those following in our footsteps.
A sleepless night brought me to writing this blog post. Again, “For every interruption, there is an opportunity.” Still feeling many of the symptoms that set in early last evening, I am, nonetheless, eternally grateful, that as I experience this morning’s sunrise, I have been given another day to face my challenges.
~deb